P.S: It pains me to realize I suck at writing rhymes. HAHAHA!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I've updated. oh wow. yipee. *sacarsm intended*
Blogging is not my forte anymore. Cause maybe i hadn't had time putting effort into this. Do u even need effort to blog in the first place?
Bugger.
Anyway, my definition of blog to me presently, is the medium where i rant about something personal or problems. I guess. watever.
So personal problems don't come simultaneously unless you are full of luck having it dropping by everyday. So, this blog won't be regularly updated on a daily basis.
Well, i lay down the objective of this blog, so please try understand i can't update it as regularly as you wish it could.
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Ok now to my prob.
My Poly year ending soon. Final year project taking a toll on me. I kept on redoing my work, starting back to square one. up to date, i have only 4 weeks to go. I don't know how i can manage this. And i personally can say I'm not doing good myself. Despite that i want this to work so bad, i guess i'm running out of luck?
It doesn't help that i keep getting negativities around me. Lecturers are so not supportive and approachable. They are so uptight tht we are the first new batch of landscape architecture students in Singapore which will be thrown out into the sea. There's so much pressure, that it gets to us. Well it gets to me.
I'm just so afraid. nevermind you could be good in school, but are you ready out there in the real world? Are you good in their eyes? What's their expectation?
Worst still, such a small industry, competition is inevitable though they keep mentioning its in demand. In such an unpredictable economy and times ahead you'll never know. And it doesn't help that i got 2 years of service for the nation. period. and compulsory.
the whole national service thing is also bugging me a bit. but in a discreet invisible manner. i duno. don't ask me. its just the feeling.
Socially, my life is coming to a break point. I have not much of social gatherings, social outings and yada yada. I could blame it on my tight school schedule or i could just blame it on myself. But most of my friends are busy. Yati's with work, dee's with work. Almost all my friends have their boyfriends and girlfriends or out with their best friends etc. It sucks that my social circle is only a handful. And it sucks that I have to go out alone. Do things alone. Although sometimes I enjoy it.
Next, I'm in a one-love affair. Meaning, I so like or fall for this person. But they don't know about it or they did know, but they don't share the same for you. I do give them signs, I do show my affection, my interest. But mostly, everyone take it as only friendship or a jest. And it pains to see them with someone new. Besides, I have a problem with commitments in relationships and low confidence. Perhaps a lil bit in the expressing my feelings.
And this things just build up as you watch other people kissing, holding hands, telling me wonderful stories about their life and their partner, doesn't matter if it's on fights.
I don't dare sharing it with others cause it turns out to just be one of the joke of the day. But well what the hell am i doing it now? So yeah laugh if u want to.
Perhaps I would eventually turn out to just be a lonely single succesful bachelor, which my sister is afraid.
You're not the only one sis.
Sigh. the world is indeed unfair.
I really really like you from the day i met you. we have so much things in common. we both understand and laff at the same things. we both know each other too well. cheesy and cliche but its the truth. Nevertheless, you're with someone new. Besides, I just can't come clean and through to you. My mistake. However, unfortunately, you never will date a guy like me. To be precise, a malay guy.
City of Weirdos. 1:02 AM
